I don’t usually have good dreams. They’re usually pointless and random. This one, however, was different.
(Y/N) is in it. Maybe it’s because of the fight we had or maybe because she just means a lot to me, whatever reason, I don’t want to wake up. This dream state I’m in is practically perfect, except for the fact that it’s not real.
“Zayn..” (Y/N) whispers in my head.
“Let’s go somewhere. Let’s just get up and go. We can just drive and never look back!” she exclaims.
She looks hazy and far away but still stunning. There’s some sort of light shining down on her and she looks angelic. Everything seems absolutely perfect..
“Babe, you know I would if I could but the album still needs work, but once it’s done I promise we’ll go somewhere far away.”
“I want to go now though, Zayn.. Please?”
“No, (Y/N)..Soon. I promise!”
Holding her close, I lean down for a kiss but she backs her head away. It takes a few seconds but she finally gives in and our lips become locked. The dream kiss is soft and tender, not much different from real life but it feels less satisfying.
“Fine.. But I won’t wait around forever, Zayn. Who knows, I might just leave..”
“You wouldn’t.. Would you?”
“I dunno I guess we’ll find out..”
(Y/N) fades out in the dream and soon she’s completely vanished into thin air.
“(Y/N)?” I call out into the empty space, “Where’d you go?!”
“I’m tired of waiting, Zayn. It’s been four months and still we’ve done none of the things you said we would when the tour ended..” (Y/N)’s voice whispered in my ear.
Turning around, she was suddenly behind me and just as our eyes met she disappeared again.
“Come back!” I yell, turning all around and running in different directions.
“Why? To wait some more?” (Y/N)’s voice calls out but she is nowhere to be seen.
I can almost hear the disappointment in her voice and it kills me knowing I’m the one that caused this. My mind is racing as the dream transports me through different stages of our relationship.
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take, Zayn! I’m sick of it and I’m starting to think it’s not even worth it!” her voice screams to another me, showing our first fight.
Then I see the two of us when I first asked her to be mine.
“I know I maybe a little weird and I don’t have all the time in the world but I really think that you and me could be good for each other, (Y/N). Give me a chance and I’ll show you that this could be great..” I mumbled as I hold her hands in mine, dangling them slowly.
Once again, I’m transported to somewhere else but this time it’s not a memory. I can see (Y/N) and I lying in our bed but she’s getting up. Seeing her bedside clock, it’s 5:00 in the morning..
“(Y/N)? What are you doing?” I ask walking from the foot of the bed towards her.
The other me just stays asleep and she doesn’t respond.
“(Y/N)?!” I call out again, but still no response.
She pulls out her suitcase from under the bed and begins packing some things that weren’t already in the bag. Placing a note on her pillow, I quickly skim over it.
“Zayn, I’m tired of this.. I don’t want to be waiting around for nothing.. I can’t do this, I’m so sorry.. xoxo (Y/N)”
What? S-She’s leaving? Where is she going? This hasn’t happened.. Is this going to happen?
“(Y/N)! Wait! Baby please don’t run away from my bed. Start another day stay instead! You can’t just leave! I’m going to find you, please don’t go..” I scream as I follow her out the door.
It’s futile though. She can’t hear me, nor can she see me.
Walking back into the bedroom, I see myself still asleep.
“This is just a dream, that’s all it is.” I whisper to myself, praying she didn’t really leave.
The sun starts to shine through the window on my side of the bed as it hits my face. The light is golden, just like before when I was talking to her. I’m going to wake up any second, I can feel myself fading away. The room and myself becomes blurry and the last thing I see is (Y/N)’s face..
Jolting awake, I sit up and don’t find (Y/N) next to me.
“(Y/N)??” I shout, praying she replies.
“(Y/N)?! Where are you?”
There’s no note on the pillow.. That’s good right? She would have left a note if she left.. Wouldn’t she?
Wasting no time, I get up out of bed and walk around out apartment but she’s no where to be found.
“Zayn? What are you doing? You look like a mad man!” (Y/N) smirks, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen.
“Oh thank goodness..” I murmur to myself as I walk over to her.
“What’s wrong? You look worried..”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we haven’t done any of the things I promised we would. We will, I swear. Starting tomorrow we will go on a road trip and all the other things you want to do, I just have to let everyone know and then we are out of here to anywhere you want to go.” I whisper, pulling her in for a tight hug.
“Zayn! Calm down, it’s okay! I understand we don’t have to go tomorrow! We can wait a little longer.. It’s fine!”
“No, it’s not! Baby please don’t go.. Baby please don’t runaway..”
Holding me tighter, she lifts herself up on her tiptoes and whispers in my ear.
“I wouldn’t dare to runaway, Zayn..”
Why do I still have his picture on my bedside table.. It’s not like we’re together anymore. We’re barely even friends. I can’t just get rid of it though, I still love him. It’s really the only thing I have left of him. Well, that and all the memories. We dated almost two years.. Why did one little fight ruin everything?
It’s only been a month since then and I can still feel his lips pressed against mine. The tingles he caused to run through my body was always incredible. One kiss and my knees would quiver. He always tasted the same, kind of smokey but at the same time sweet. It was only hints of smoke I would taste on his lips so it wasn’t a turn off, if anything it’s something I like most about him.
I still remember our first dance. I’m not sure if he does, but I’ll never forget it. We were at a small party and the music had stopped but he kept dancing with me. I would probably look completely ridiculous if I had been alone, but he was able to make it seem normal and completely in time with the silent beat.
He was always good at that, making me look not so awkward. If I tripped, he just smiled and gave me a quick kiss. Sometimes when I’d fall asleep in the car after a long night, he’d carry me back inside. Other times he’s whisper in my ear until I woke up if he couldn’t stay the night, but no matter what he did, I always felt loved.
Getting out of bed, I walked over to my iHome and put my phone on the docking station, letting our song blare. Through my tears, I sang along just dying to go back to when he was mine.
When the song ended, I reached for my phone and typed in his number. I stared at the phone for a good ten minutes before deciding not to call him. It would only waste my time and cause more pain..
I remember when we said ‘I love you’ for the first time. We were shopping and his car was far away and it just stated pouring. At first, I was a little upset that I was going to get all wet but he made everything better. No cars were in the street and he set my bags down on a nearby bench, leading me out into the middle of a deserted intersection.
“What are you doing? We’re going to catch a cold!” I screamed as the water pelted down on Zayn and I.
“Come on, let’s just play in the rain for a little. It’s fun!” he smiled, letting my hand go and jumping in the puddles that began to form.
“You’re crazy!” I smirked, just standing still as he had the time of his life.
“Only for you.” he replied as he walked towards me, “I love you, (Y/N).”
“W-what?” I mumbled, suddenly shivering from the rain or maybe from his words.
“I’m in love with you, (Y/N).. Please say something other than what because I’m about to explode with anticipation..”
“I love you too, Zayn. I’m inlove with you..”
He pulled me in for a kiss and he ran his fingers through my hair which at the time was romantic and sweet, but later proved to only get us sick.
I can still hear him beating himself up for getting me sick when in reality, he was sicker than me. We stayed at his apartment for two days just eating soup and watching movies and playing card games because that’s one of his favorite pass times..
I remembered all those simple things until I cried. I wouldn’t trade any of that for anything in the world.. Those were the best times of my life. If anything, the only memory I’d give up is saying goodbye..
Suddenly, my cell phone’s blowing up.
“I’ll be here, by your side
No more fears, no more crying
But if you walk away
I know I’ll fade
Answering the call, I slowly brought the phone to my ear.
“(Y/N)..” he sighed, he sounds so alone..
“Do you.. Do you remember when we kissed..for the first time?”
Surprised at what he said, I recall the sweet kiss and smile.
“I-I still feel it on my lips.. Yours are always so soft and you always taste of strawberries..I miss that..”
I didn’t reply, what was I supposed to say?
“And the time we danced? Remember, with no music playing? You looked like a chicken running around with it’s head cut off.. But it was perfect..You’re perfect.. the way you can spend an entire day just reading a good book and stay up until five in the morning to finish it, or the way you smile while you cook, and how when you’re nervous you play with your necklace.. All those simple things..” he whispered.
I was crying by now, and he knew it. I heard him sniffle a few times as well, and finally he broke the silence.
“I think that’s my biggest regret..”
“What is..?” I asked.
“I just wish you’d forget about that moment..” he continued, not answering my question.
“What is?” I repeated.
Once again, I’m waiting alone for Zayn to get home. He always says he’s going to be on time, early even, but it’s two hours after he said he would be home. Everyone expects me to break thigns off with him soon and they should think that. He treats me like trash. I’m kept on a tight leash while he can party all he wants. He talks to me like I don’t even matter and I practically kiss the ground he walks on.
I don’t know why I’m surprised when I go find him at some bar, grinding on another girl. The tabloids and magazines have enough pictures that I know it’s all true. He swears he doesn’t sleep with them or anything and I’m not jealous, I’m just tired of looking like an idiot for staying with him..
When did everything go sour? We used to be inseparable and now I’m lucky if I see him for an hour during the day and we live together.. He knows I don’t look at other guys the way I look at him, I don’t think of anyone but him, and still I’m the one who’s hurting.
“H-hey (Y/N)..” Zayn’s voice slurred as he stumbled through our front door.
“Zayn.. Where have you been? We we’re supposed to go out to eat, remember?”
“I.. I got uhh.. I went to a bar,” he giggled, showing no regret in missing our date.
“Dammit Zayn. I’m tired of this!” I shouted as I headed towards the bedroom.
“Tired of what..?”
“This! Being the only one who seems to care!”
Getting out my phone, I texted my best friend to let her know I was on my way over to her house. I can’t stay here with Zayn..
“W-what are you doing.. Ju-Just calm down,” he giggled again.
“I’m leaving! I can’t do this anymore, Zayn! I don’t want this! You’ve already got my heart and pride but I’m taking it back. I don’t need you anymore..” my voice started off strong and firm, but it faded.
“Babe.. Don’t do that.. I-I love you..” Zayn slurred once again, attaching his lips to my neck.
“Get off of me! I’m leaving okay? I’ll be back soon to get my things..” I whimpered, slowly pushing him away.
(Y/BF/N) had a couple other friends over when I got there, she figured I’d want to get my mind off of Zayn and she was correct.
One guy I met is incredibly nice. He is a couple inches taller than me and everything Zayn isn’t, from what I can tell. He’s sweet and charming, and I really like him.. But I can’t help but think about Zayn..
Yes he can be a total douche sometimes, but he has his moments where he makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.. I just can’t break free from the things that he does, I want so badly to leave him for good, but I always end up running back to him and I know tomorrow morning I’ll be the one to apologize.
After everyone left (Y/BF/N)’s place, she tried to talk to me about Zayn. ‘(Y/N), you’re such a sweet girl and you deserve better.’ ‘Zayn’s an idiot, leave him.’ ‘He doesn’t deserve you,’ All things I’ve heard before.
Once again, here I am at the front door. Zayn just woke up, as usual, he’s definitely hung over from last night. But then something, unusual happens.
“(Y/N).. I’m so sorry..” he’s never apologized before.. He only ever smirked and said ‘Welcome back’
“I’m sorry.. I always mess things up and I don’t know why you’re still with me..” he whimpered, his voice hoarse from both the alcohol last night and just having woken up.
“L-Let’s just.. We’ll just go back to sleep and talk it over later okay?” I whisper, hoping this time it’s different.
We cuddle up on the bed and it’s all so bittersweet.
I hate myself for loving him.
What did I do to deserve (Y/N)? I love when she falls asleep in my arms, I get to hold onto my world for a few hours.
“Hey, Zayn, (Y/N) is so fit, how’s she choose someone like you when I’m right here?” Harry smirked, being egged on by the other boys.
I know they all thought (Y/N) was attractive, but she still chose me..
That was probably the best summer of my life.. Yeah we were young, but young love is the best kind. Everything just seems ten times more intense. I still remember going on a road trip with the boys, her, and a couple other people to the beach. At night, we’d sneak out of our tent and just walk along the waves.
“Zayn! Let’s go for a walk, I can’t sleep.” (Y/N) whispered in my ear, gently waking me up.
“Okay.. In a second..” I mumbled, still half asleep.
“Fine.. I’ll be waiting outside.” she sighed as I heard the zipper of the tent open and then close again.
Finally getting up, I found (Y/N) standing at the edge of the water, just looking up at the stars. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I whispered into her ear.
“Making a wish?”
“No, just looking.. There’s so many..” she breathed, not letting her eyes leave the sky, “Let’s go!”
“Where?” I asked as she grabbed my hand from her side and pulled me along with her.
“Everywhere! Anywhere! Just come with me!” she giggled as the cool summer wind blew through her hair.
No sight in the world could top her smile right now.
“What are you smiling at, weirdo?” (Y/N) smirked as I let go of her hand and just admired her.
Damn, I miss her.. I haven’t heard from her in almost four months. We broke up not long after that beach trip, we just wanted different things. We kept in touch and stayed friends but it wasn’t the same. Sure we were complete idiots half the summer, but that’s just it. We weren’t afraid to be ourselves around each other. We were just kids in love, making mistakes we haven’t learned from..
I’m still in love with her. I know it. Nothing has changed since then except that we haven’t talked in a while. She’s so out of reach but she’s everything I want in my life.
Dialing her number, I hear her voice for the first time in months. I’ve missed it more than I thought..
“(Y/N)? It’s me.. Zayn..”
“Zayn.. uh, what’s up?”
“How’ve you been? I miss you.. I miss what we had. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Yeah we were young but I know what we shared was real. We’re at an all time low, how can we get it back? We’re falling down, but I want to pick up the pieces.. Our first kiss stole the breath from my lips, why did our last one tear us apart?” I admit quickly, like taking off a band-aid.
“Zayn.. I-I don’t know how to say this, but I have a boyfriend..” she mumbled through the phone.
Clicking the end button, I slammed the phone down on a nearby table.
And she’s still out of reach.
I unlock our door and (Y/N) storms right passed me. Here we go again. I sigh to myself and slam the door closed.
“What the hell was that Zayn?!!?” she screams as she slips off her heels.
“Nothing! She was asking if I wanted to dance and I said no but she wouldn’t leave me alone! Besides I’m not the one who was dancing with some other guy!”
“I was only dancing with him because you were to busy with that slut!”
“I’m so fucking tired of this (Y/N)!” I screamed louder than ever.
“Well then maybe you should just leave! I don’t care I’m fine by myself!”
I could hear the pain in her voice. I didn’t want to leave and we both know that.
“You heard me Zayn! Leave!” she shouted, running towards me and slapping her hand on my chest and pushing me a few feet closer to the door. Turning around, she grabbed a picture frame of with a picture of us and smashed it on the ground as tears stained her face.
“You know I won’t leave..” I sighed and went to pick up the broken frame.
“I’m sorry..” she sobs, falling to the floor as I rush to comfort her.
It’s impossible to not love her. She may be a pain at times but she’s apart of me know. Like a tattoo on my heart, she’ll be there forever no matter how annoying she gets.
“Maybe we should take a break from each other.. This fighting isn’t doing us any good..” I whisper as she cries into my shoulder.
“No.. Please don’t..” her voice says in between sobs.
“One more night..” I say, but we both know what that means.
After every fight I say I’ll stay for one more night, but then it turns into two, then three, and then it’s a month later.
“Just one more night..“ I sigh, trying to believe this time, it will be one more night and that’s it.
It’s good to hear her voice. With the craziness of the tour, it makes me calmer.
“How are you? I hear it’s great in Cali right now, perfect weather to go to the beach.”
“I’m okay, I just son’t want to enjoy the weather without you.. I miss you.” (Y/N)’s voice sighed through the phone.
“I’ve been missing you too..” I admit.
“At least you’re able to keep busy.. I have to wait around all day by myself.. It’s not as fun as touring the country..”
“Babe, it’s not that much better.. If anything I think it’s worse. I could see everything there is the see in the world, but nothing will ever compare to seeing you..”
“Zayn, how much longer do I have to wait for you? I’m tired of having a relationship through the phone.” she questions harshly.
“You know I don’t want to wait either, there’s only two months left of the tour. It’ll fly by. I promise..” I whisper back.
“That’s a long time, Zayn. I don’t want to wait that long..”
“It will go by quickly.. We’ll be in each others arms in no time.”
“I dunno, Zayn.. I have to go.”
Before I can tell her I love her and goodbye, the phone has already been hung up. She’ll come around.. She always does. I know it’s tough for her to be dating me, but it’s tough for me too. Liam and Louis have their girlfriends on tour with them half the time and (Y/N) just can’t step away from work.
I haven’t heard from (Y/N) in almost two weeks.. All my calls go to her voice mail, and my texts go unanswered. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but now I’m starting to worry. Maybe she really didn’t want to wait for me and doesn’t have the heart to tell me.. No. No, that can’t be true. We love each other.. Don’t we?
I dial her number again and it goes to the answering machine once again, but this time I leave a message.
“Hello beautiful, it’s been a long time since my phones rung and you’ve been on the line. I’ve been missing you.”
I linger on the call just trying to find words to say. Eventually, I give up and end the call. How could she do this to me?
We’re going to a show in San Diego tomorrow and the next day we have a free day.. (Y/N) only lives four hours away from there.. Maybe Paul would let me go see her, even just for the day.I just have to talk to her..
Paul decided to let me go right after the concert and I finally got ahold of (Y/N). She said she was sorry, but I don’t blame her. I didn’t tell her I’m going over tonight but I did tell her that I had something on it way for her so she would stay home. I can’t wait to see her, we haven’t skyped for the whole tour so far because her webcam broke so I’ll finally be able to see her face.
What would normally be a four hour drive, is now an hour and a half of a plane ride. Tonight, I’m gonna fly. Paul said it’d be faster if I flew and this way he doesn’t have to let me take a whole tour bus for just me.
The whole trip there is a blur, I’m to excited and nervous to see (Y/N) to pay attention to what’s going on around me. The plane lands and I quickly exit with my carry on and head outside to find a taxi.
Here’s the final stretch. The ride to her place. It takes an agonizingly long time or maybe it’s just the anxiety pulsing through me. Finally, I’m at her door and I can hear her feet pitter patter on the floor as she walks towards the door.
She’s just as beautiful as the day I left. Her hair is a little longer, and she looks tired. Probably because it’s almost midnight, but she promised to stay awake for her surprise, and as she sees me her eyes light up. I missed that.
“Zayn! W-What are you doing here?!” she exclaims and throws herself into my arms as I drop my bag.
“I could comb across the world and see everything, and never be satisfied if I couldn’t see those eyes.”
I can feel her smile into my shoulder and she lifts her face up so she can speak.
“I’m so glad to see you.. I imagine you’re only able to stay fro a day or so? Whatever, who cares. Your here now and that’s all that matters.”
“Are you ready, (Y/N)?” my father asks as he joins me by my side.
“Honestly? I feel like I’m about to puke. I love Zayn and I’m so excited and I’ve never felt this way before, but I know I’m going to mess something up.” I ramble as my grip on his arm tightens.
“Don’t worry. I can tell how much you both love each other. Nothing is going to ruin today for you.”
Before I can say anything else, the doors open and music plays. I hear the oo’s and awes from the guests as we walk past them. Zayn looks handsome as ever. His smile makes my knees go weak as he sees me in my dress for the first time. Blushing, my father and I reach the end of the aisle and he goes to sit by my mother who’s almost in tears. Zayn’s hand takes mine as I stand next to him, ready to live the rest of my life with him.
The ceremony is fast and soon, he is saying his vows.
“(Y/N), I don’t even know what to say. I’m so hypnotized by you and even after two years of being with you, I still feel like a little kid around his first crush. You make me want to be a better person and everyday I spend with you makes me realize more and more how lucky I am to have you and that I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you. I promise that we will never go to sleep mad, that you will win any future arguments, if any, because I can’t stand to see you upset, that I will protect you, and love you for the rest of my life.”
My smile won’t leave my face as I begin my vows.
“Zayn, I love you so much. I know that this is how we are supposed to be. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much. Everyday I fall more and more in love with you, and I can barely believe someone like you would marry someone like me. Don’t even try to say that I’m perfect because I know I’m not, I fall a lot because I have two left feet, I say things I don’t mean, and I try to sing when I know I can’t but I promise to give you the best of me, and cuddle at night, and make this love last a lifetime. I couldn’t imagine anyone else I’d say this to and I will love you for the rest of my life.”
We say our I do’s and finally share our first kiss as a married couple.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
Zayn’s hands wrap behind my neck as our mouths connect. Nothing has ever felt so right, and both of us smile throughout the gentle kiss. I don’t know about him, but I can’t hear anyone clapping or shouting with joy and focus on the love of my life.
Walking out of the church, we are followed by our friends and family as we get into a car taking us to the reception. The two of us talk the whole ride there. About how nervous we were, how great the other one looked, and just everything that came into our heads.
The party starts well and soon, our first dance is coming up.
“Zayn.. I’m nervous again.. We both know I can’t dance..” I whisper as we walk towards the dance floor.
“Take my hand, I’ll teach you how, I’ll spin you around.”
“What if I fall? I’ll look like a proper fool..” I sigh and look away, ashamed.
“Don’t worry, I’ll lead and if you want you can stand on my feet. Just give it a try, I won’t let you fall down.” he smiles down at me.
The room is hush hush and now is our moment. I just take it in, and breath. All eyes in the room are on me and him as our song starts. The slow steady guitar begins to play and soon the world drifts away as Zayn and I sway to the music. The spotlight is shining down on us as I can feel everyone’s heart melt at the sight of us.
Suddenly, I’m feeling brave and I step off his feet and move with him. Something has changed and I feel like I can do anything in the world with Zayn by my side. Holding him closer, my heart starts racing. He must have noticed because he looks down at me and whispers into my ear.
“Do you hear that, love? They’re playing our song.” His smile when he finishes his sentence makes me blush.
Meeting his eyes, I nuzzle myself into his shoulder and whisper back.
“Lovers dance when they’re feeling in love, and Zayn? I’m in love.”
Every fiber of my being tells me that he is the one, he’s the guy that will make all the other guys fade away, but then I remember, Cara is probably thinking the same thing. Something about him just feels right though, like this is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life. It’s like the stars in the sky are spelling out his name. I always get my hopes up though.
‘I’m breaking up with her this weekend.’
‘After tonight it’s only you and me.’
It’s always the same empty promise. Harry will say we’ll be together but in the morning he’ll make up some elaborate excuse of why he couldn’t do it.
I’ve been waiting almost an hour for him. He promised he’d be on time this time.
Finally, the reality of everything hits me. He’s never going to love me the way I love him.. In my mind he’s burning brighter than the sun, and to him I’m probably just a small match. I may be burning bright for now, but all to soon I’ll burn out.
“Natalie, I’m sorry I’m late. Cara wanted to talk for a little bit.” he explains while he bursts through my door.
“It’s fine. Don’t even worry about it.” I reply.
“Really? Thanks for being so understanding, babe.”
“What are we doing Harry?”
“What do you mean? We were gonna watch some movies and just hang out, remember?” he didn’t understand my question.
“No, I mean what are we doing.. I don’t want to sneak around anymore. When I’m dreaming about how I wish this was, I don’t want to wake up by myself. I want to feel you next to me..” I tremble, finally coming undone and breaking down.
“Natalie.. You know I’m going to leave Cara soon.. I just..”
“What Harry? Please, fill me in on why you can’t leave her if you don’t love her.” I beg sarcastically.
“Come on, just say that we’ll be together..” I whimper, running into his arms.
Tilting my head up, he kisses my lips as his hands roam through my curly hair. It’s perfect, heavenly almost. All too soon the kiss ends as his brown eyes open, locking with my green ones.
“I’ll leave her next week, I promise.”
It’s just like all the other times. Pointless.. And I can tell. There is no sincerity in his eyes, no hint of truth in his voice, there’s nothing left I can do.
“Get out..” I whisper, backing away from the guy I thought would be different.
“W-What?” his voice cracks.
“You heard me.. Get out.. I’m not doing this anymore. You’ve made numerous promises and I’m done waiting.”
“No, no.. Please, Natalie don’t do this.. I love you..” he was walking towards me, but I can’t let him control me anymore..
“Stop.. You don’t.. You wouldn’t be with someone else if you did. I won’t tell Cara, or anyone even. Just leave me alone.. Don’t talk to me, don’t call me, don’t text, anything. Just forget about me.”
Harry hesitates to leave, and for a moment I contemplate letting him stay. No, he’s untouchable now. He is with Cara. I shouldn’t have even let this start in the first place. After a few minutes of horrible silence, he slowly leaves and I lock the door behind him.
He’s gone. Well, he’s been gone. I don’t even know why he left. He never said a word to me. One day I just woke up and his things were gone. No note, no more calls, nothing. When did it all go wrong? What did I do wrong? Is there someone else? I just want to know how he could leave so easily..
*2 months ago*
“(Y/N)? Wake up.” Zayn’s voice whispered.
“Hmm?” I mumbled, still half asleep.
“(Y/N)..Please listen, I just want to let you know that no matter what happens, I love you. I don’t say it enough but I do, you mean so much to me.”
“Zayn, are you alright? That could’ve waited until the morning, it’s almost two.”
“No, I wanted to tell you now. Everything’s okay, just never forget that.. you can go back to sleep now.” he purred.
“Okay.. I love you too, Zayn.”
No matter what happens.. Maybe this is what he was talking about. I doubt it though. He wouldn’t leave if he loved me.. Would he?
I can still remember when he got home from the first tour. July ninth, at 3:15. His plane landed and I was there waiting for him. I can still remember the smell of the rain that stopped just as the plane landed. He looked around for me as soon as he stepped off. Running into his arms, I jumped up and wrapped my legs around him. His heart was beating fast, and mine was too. I miss his arms around me. That night we went to a welcome home party at his parents house. All eyes were on him and it wasn’t hard to tell he was the center of attention.
My dad still asks about him. Zayn’s one of the only boyfriends I’ve had that he has approved of. Maybe because of how he presented himself when they first met.
*9 months earlier*
“Babe, let’s dance!” he begged.
“No, I’m a horrible dancer! You’ll want to break up with me if you see me dance!” I laughed while backing away from the dance floor.
“Come on! It’s my birthday, just one dance. I’ll even let you stand on my toes and I’ll move us around. Please?”
Zayn knew I would give in, he gave me the face that I couldn’t resist.
We swayed to the slow song and he twirled us around in time with the music. We must have looked like complete idiots. Neither of us have ever had much rhythm, but with him everything just felt.. Right. The song ended all too quickly as my dad called my name. Zayn invited my parents so he could finally meet them.
“Hi Mom, Daddy!” I smiled as I hugged them both, “This is Zayn.”
“Hello Sir, Ma’am. I’m Zayn, your daughter has told me so much about you two.”
He held his hand out to shake hands with my father and smiled his warm smile.
My dad always said he was the most respectable guy I’d introduced them to. I wish he was horrible to me. I wish Zayn was a jerk. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so gutted about him leaving. Why do I miss him so much? He obviously couldn’t care less about me..
I miss how he would sing me to sleep. The way he walks with his hands in his pockets. The smell of his cologne. How one kiss from him could make everything okay, especially when I was in the middle of talking.
It’s hard.. Watching him in interviews on the tv or seeing pictures everywhere I go. I can almost feel him forget me. One interview I saw, he was asked about me.. He didn’t say anything but that we don’t talk anymore. Does anyone know why he left?
When I have a really bad day without him, I curl up in his one shirt that he left. He knew it was my favorite shirt of his. It’s bittersweet. It reminds me of all the good and magical moments we shared, but then I snap out of it and remember we’ll never have moments like those again..
I called Liam the other day. I’m sure he could see right through my facade. As much as I tried to sound okay, I couldn’t help but tear up when he said Zayn was doing alright. Apparently, he never talks about me. Why am I the only one that’s hurting? Did I really mean that little to him? Was the year and a half we were together nothing to him? God I wish I knew how to make him miss me like I miss him.
Perhaps I should just forget about him.. I just hope one day he wakes up and sees that he should have stayed. Never did I think he’d change his mind about me or have a last kiss. Never imagined we’d end like this..
She’s got guys chasing after her more and more each day. I’ll admit, I do get jealous because of the guys that gawk at her. We always say how great this whole friends with benefits thing is going because she doesn’t want the drama of a real relationship and I don’t want to tie myself down just yet, but I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe there’s something more.
Before her, I’d try to make things work with a girl but it would never last long, no one seemed to make me want more. That’s probably why (Y/N) is so different from those girls. Even in the most random situations, I discover something about her that causes me to wish we were more than just “friends” . I think she might be the girl for me..
She’s on her way over. Liam somehow convinced me to talk to her about “us”. Silly Liam, there is no “us”. She thinks she’s coming over to do what we normally do. It’s great, amazing even, but I don’t want sex to be the only thing that connects us.
We do the usual routine, greeting each other with a passionate kiss and getting right down to business. As we lay on my bed, out of breath and under the covers, she curls up into me and I know. I want this to be a regular thing, not the sex, but the cuddling and tender embraces.
Twenty minutes or so later, (Y/N) begins to get up but I pull her back on the bed.
“No..” I groan, wishing she’d stay by my side.
“I have to go Zayn!” she mumbles but still lays back down.
“We can lay like this forever. It’s fine by me.” My eyes look straight into hers as I admit my secret.
“Uh.. nothing. Never mind, forget it.”
Oh no, she doesn’t want what I do.
“No, just say that again, please?” she pleads with sincerity in her voice.
“I-I just said..I think I’m starting to.. You know, want more than just being friends.”
“Why? What are we supposed to do become boyfriend and girlfriend? I dunno Zayn.. The idea kind of scares me.. I like what we have now and I don’t want to ruin it.”
Millions of thoughts are racing through my brain. I wanted to scream.
“I’m scared too, but I’m willing to give this a chance because I don’t know any other girl that’s made me want something steady. For once, I want to be in a real relationship.” If only I could have found the courage to say that to her.
“Okay. I’m just saying, it’s fine by me if you never leave.”
The routine continues as she gets dressed and leaves my apartment. Well, you just blew it. I think to myself as the door closes.
What makes her so different anyways? Why is she the first person to make me want to be like Liam and Danielle? How can she make me smile with just the smallest thought of her? When did everything change?
I know exactly when things changed actually. It’s one of those moments when you see someone as they truly are. Like when you see someone caught in the middle of dancing like an idiot, or smiling while deep in thought; like seeing someone laugh so hard they cry or how they act around other people.
Maybe she isn’t the one for me. I’m sure there is someone somewhere wondering where I am too. There has to be so-
A knock startles me as I go to answer the door. It’s (Y/N).. and she has a few bags..
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my tone coming off as more grumpy than I intended.
Smirking, she pushed past me and set her things down.
“Well you said it was fine if I never leave, so I figured I’d need some things of mine over here like clothes, a toothbrush, you know, the usual stuff.”