Rain is pouring down. Even though he’s soaking wet, he keeps walking. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down or speed up, just keeps walking. The people running from cabs to inside look at him like he’s crazy. And maybe he is. Maybe he is crazy. It’s not his fault though. He blames her.
After a while, he finds himself at her door. It’s been a few hours since he started walking, maybe two and a half. Liam has called him a few times but he hasn’t answered. He wonders if she’s home. She has to be, where else would she be?
The hard wood door flies open just as his knuckle is about to collide with it. She gasps, surprised to find him at her door.
Their right before each other and can’t find the words to say.
“Why don’t you come in..” she whispers after a minute or so of silence other than the rain.
“I was just going to see you..” her voice coos as she takes off her coat, “I’ll get you a towel.. Maybe there’s some clothes of yours you could change into..”
He hasn’t said a word. Just standing in her doorway, his emotions tying up his tongue.
“Are you cold? Do you want a blanket or something?”
“I’m sorry.” he whimpers.
“Niall.. I can’t… I don’t.. Why do we keep doing this?”
“You know it’s not something I can control..”
“I know, but I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay.. We both know it’s not..” she sighs, sitting down.
“Can we just work this out? Please.. I’m begging you..” his voice catches in his throat, barely audible now.
She always agrees to work things out. He always walks to her door. They always talk it out. They always end up here. It’s always the same thing, every time.
“What makes this time different, Niall? What’s going to change this time?”
He doesn’t know what to say, yet again.
“T-That’s.. that’s what I thought.. We always end up here, in my apartment not knowing what to do.. I don’t want this..”
He’s no longer picking his head up to meet her eyes when he speaks anymore.
“I.. I know you are.. But that doesn’t change anything.. I’m sick of this Niall.. I can’t do this anymore..”
That hurts him. He knows she’s not going to give in this time. This time, it’s for real.
“What can I do to change your mind? Please (Y/N).. Let me prove you wrong..”
“Don’t you get it?! You can’t change my mind! You can’t prove me wrong!” her voice is getting louder and louder.
“Everytime we fight you say the exact same thing! And you’re not fighting for me! You say you’ll prove me wrong but nothing changes! It’s still the same bull as before! I’ve been waiting for you to prove to me that you’re just as serious about this as I am but I guess you’re not! Did you ever love me? Why do you just push me away? Why are you so cruel to me?! Why do I keep letting you break my heart..”
Her voice falters at the last sentence as she stands up only to fall to the ground in a pile of emotions.
He leaves his spot and tries to help her back up but she only jerks her arms away from him.
“NO. You don’t have to help me! I can get up by myself.”
“Please.. just give me one more chance.. I know I’ve been a crap boyfriend but I can change.. I will change..”
And this time, he means it. He admits to himself, he didn’t mean his apologies before, but this time he’s sincere. Who would want to lose someone like her? He knows how lucky he is to have her. She’s amazing.
She finds happiness in the worst things. She paints a colorful life in a dull world. She’s beauty in a society filled with ugly people. She makes him laugh when no one else can.
He can make her smile just by looking at her. He makes her once serious life, carefree. They just blend together so well, and he knows it.
“No you won’t! Don’t you get it?! I’ve asked you time and time again to prove to me that you’re not like all the other guys.. But you are.. And I was so convinced you were going to be the one..”
She’s full on crying now. Mascara running down her cheeks, and it pains him to see her like this, to know he caused this.
“I’m convinced you’re the one.. Please.. It’s been you all along..”
“No. I’m asking you this, why do you break my heart in the blink of an eye..”
“I don’t mean to.. it just..”
“It just what Niall? It just happens? Cheating doesn’t just happen. This is the last time I’m asking you this, the last time I’m asking you why..”
“I.. I don’t know.. “
This is the last time she’ll let him in her door. This is the last time they’ll fight. The last time their a couple. The last time he’ll hurt her.
“Just leave..” she cries, not bothering to show him to the door.
“Niall. I said leave.”
Slowly, but surely, he makes his way outside. He doesn’t really leave, just slumps down, his back leaning against her door.
The rain is coming down harder now. His clothes get wet all over again, just as they were beginning to dry.
This is the last time she’ll call things off with him.
This is the first time he knows true heartbreak.
It’s been three months. Personally, I don’t think I’m ready to start dating again. Harry was everything I’d ever wanted. Charming, smart, tall, handsome, funny.. The whole package. He’d never shown any signs of wanting to break up.. I thought everything was going fine but I guess not.
Looking into the mirror, I take a deep breath and walk towards my closet to find my shoes.
“Flats, or heels..?” I quietly ask myself, “Hmm.. I think I’ll wear heels..”
It’s been months since I’ve worn heels. Harry never liked me wearing them because he didn’t want anyone else but him to realize how great my legs are. Adding the final touches to my outfit, I grab my purse and walk out of my cold apartment.
Quickly putting in my headphones, soft music plays as I walk towards the cafe down the street. He’s always hated this one.
“The lyrics are completely pointless!”
“Harry, you’ve only heard two seconds of it, give it a chance. I like it..”
I’d whisper whenever I’d play it in the car. Of course he never listened though. Instead he just brushed it off and ignored me. It’s nice to be able to listen to it without his nagging..
Walking outside is nice. It’s cold yes, but the light snow that is falling is absolutely beautiful. The first snowfall of the season.. Me and Harry had always loved playing outside in the snow..
Why can’t I let him go? I’m going on a date for goodness sake! It shouldn’t be this hard..
Pulling the door open, I didn’t expect for my date to be here yet. I got here about ten minutes early anyways. I’ve never met him before, my friend set us up and all she said about him was that he’s blonde.
I’ve never really been attracted to blondes but hey, there’s a first for everything I guess..
Walking towards an open corner table, I keep my head down not wanting to draw attention to myself.
“Excuse me, are you by any chance (Y/N)?” a quiet irish accent whispers, pulling myself from my thoughts.
“Um, yes, are you Niall?” I reply softly.
“Yeah, Trisha has told me a lot about you.. Where do you want to sit?” He smiles, helping me get my coat off.
“Is the corner table alright?”
“Of course, here let me get your chair.”
Niall pulls out my chair and tucks it back in when I’m situated. Harry never did that for me.. ever. Smiling to myself, I make a mental note of what a gentleman he is..
“So, how do you know Trisha?” he asks while sitting down across from me.
“We went to high school together and when I moved over here we got back in touch, and how do you know her?” I ask while looking over the menu that was already at the table.
“Her brother and my brother, Greg, are friends and we met at a party that we both got dragged along to.”
He smiles and for a second I think there is something on my face but he just blushes when I catch him staring and looks away. The small talk continues and soon we get on the topic of music.
“I play guitar and sing.”
“Oh do you now.. Is that supposed to impress me?” I giggle and smirk as he throws his head back laughing.
His laugh is practically contagious because after a couple seconds, I’m laughing uncontrollably as well. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve laughed so hard.. With Harry he was so serious towards the end of our relationship.. He’d only joke around when he was drunk and it was only a few times..
“You know, Trisha said you weren’t funny and I was expecting some stick in the mud, but she was wrong.” He blushes, and looks away form me and out the window.
“She said that?! She knows damn well I’m freaking hilarious! I should have my own show!” I joke and he laughs again and his smile..
Wow.. his smile.. His whole face lights up and once again his head goes back laughing.. It’s like he’s a little kid. It’s not a fake laugh either, you can tell..Harry wouldn’t have laughed at that. I think it’s kinda strange Niall finds me funny cause he never did..
I didn’t think this would be such a great date.. He’s nice, he’s funny, he’s definitely attractive, he’s great..
“Are you having a good time? You seem kinda quiet every now and then..”
“Yeah.. I’m fine.. It’s just I dunno.. You’re so different from the guys I usually date..” I whisper, brushing my hair behind my ear.
I want so badly to say how I’ve been hurt before but I don’t. Why should I? He is different. He’s not like Harry. Nothing like him at all. why have I thought that love is stupid? It’s not.. Harry is. Love doesn’t just happen in fairy tales. Why have I spent so long just wishing life would get better? Here with Niall, this is better. I’ve been spending the last three months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end.. But today, Wednesday, in this little cafe.. I can feel it begin again..
“I-Is different.. good?”
“Yeah. Different is good.” I blush, “Different is really good..”
For the first time, what’s past is past. This time around it will be different, I’m different now.. He’s different..
On a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again.
Am I better off dead or am I better off a quitter? Lou says I’ll find someone better. Liam only sighs while Zayn and Niall stay silent. Why did I think this was a good idea? (Y/N) is perfect. The way she smiles, how she kisses me, the way she truly cares about everyone. Well, I suppose she doesn’t care about me anymore. She made that pretty clear when I broke things off.
“I never want to see you again. Leave me alone, don’t talk to me, don’t text me, don’t call, don’t even glance my way if we see each other around town. I thought you were different, thought we were different, but I guess we’re just like everyone else. Fall in love and then fall in hate. I’m just done..”
She screamed at me. She never screamed at anyone, ever. I’d never seen her as mad as she was then.
“Harry, really this is for the best. You’re better off now than you ever were with her. Let’s go to the bar and get some drinks to get over it.” Louis smiled, grabbing his coat.
“Yeah! That’s a great idea, maybe you’ll find some other girl!” Zayn chimes in, finally contributing to the conversation.
Smiling, I stand and grab my coat as well, trying not to look too down.
During the short walk there, Niall starts talking saying that he never really liked (Y/N) anyways which is a complete lie. He adored her. They were best friends, and I’m sure they still will be, just not around me..
“Annooother one pleasse!” My voice slurs to the bartender.
“Don’t you think that’s pushing it, Haz?” Liam whimpers, as he glances my way.
“Your buddy’s right, man. You’ve had enough. Go home.” the man shouts and turns to Louis, “Get him outta here. I need the bar open for other customers.”
“This was supposed to help him, not make it worse..” Zayn scoffs to Niall, thinking I can’t hear him.
Stumbling out the doorway, I begin shouting.
“Niiaalll, you had juuust as much as mee. And you’re fine, soo I-I’m finee. Now let’s goo to anotherr bar.”
“No way, man. You definitely had more than me, you’re smashed. Let’s just go.” he replies, as I fling my arm over Liam’s shoulders.
Dragging my feet, my voice screams out.
“(Y/N)!!!!! (Y/N)!!! Wheree areeee youuuu?!”
“Haz, be quiet! You’re going to wake up all of London if you keep that up!” Liam whines, trying to support my body.
“Liam is right, Harry. Just get over it already.” Louis hisses, grabbing my other arm to lighten Liam’s load.
“Stooopp it Louu. I-I know you hated her.. D-Donnn’t pretend you liked her.. This issss probablyy great for youu.. All of youu aree probably glad this happenedd. Donnn’t follow meee. I’m go-gonna go talk to herr.” I shout, clumsily jogging around the corner, leaving the four confused boys there.
When I’m convinced they’re long gone, I start thinking.
I know I messed up. This is the biggest fight we’ve ever had. That’s what we do though. We fight, but one of us swallows our pride and apologizes and I suppose it’s my turn to take the blame. This is the biggest fight we’ve ever had though, we’ve never said we hate each other before or that we’re broken up.. I’m still shouting out her name even though some people yell at me to shut up. If I just make it to her place, I can change her mind. This will all just be a big laugh in the morning, I can turn this all around. I know I can.
Tripping over the rails and fences, I start recognizing the streets and apartment buildings. I know if we see each other she’ll take me back. She’l have to. If we’re face to face, she’ll come to her senses, she will see how bad I’m hurting and take me back. Yeah I’m drunk, but she’s never cared about that before what would make this any different? (Y/N) will listen even though my words are slurred cause it’s all true.
When I finally find her place, I knock on the door and hope she answers.
Checking my pockets for my phone, I dial her number.
“Hello?” she answers after the fourth ring.
“What do you want Harry. I told you not to call me..” she sighs and I can hear her face turn to a frown.
“I-I justt waant too tallllk.”
“Wellll, let me.. let me start with.. Umm.. Youu.. You know what sucks? Basicallyyyyy, when I get home.. there’s no one waiting for mee. The first day you werre gonee I callled out for you but you weren’t.. you weren’t there.. I’m sorry.. Sorry for everything.. I want to takeee it allll back.. I’mm sorrry.. I’m still in love.” I confess though the phone, staring up at her window. “Areee you theree?”
I wait for her to answer, but all I heard was nothing. She said nothing. I wanted words but all I heard was nothing, I got nothing.
Am I better off dead, or am I better off a quitter?
**Authors Note: the song is Harry’s point of view. the story is (Y/N) point of view**
Running my hand through my hair I realize what I want. Harry and I have been dating for about six months. Fans don’t know about it because I don’t want them to know. I’m not afraid of hate, or paparazzi, I just am afraid of falling in love. I’ve seen love die way to many times when it deserved to be alive. I promised myself I would never dream in love if it does not exist.
Harry doesn’t know about the way I feel about relationships. I’ve only been in less than five other relationships but they were never like the one that I have right now. I have always been an open book, but I never talked about things like this. I knew I was getting deeper into the relationship and truly falling for him and I knew that he loved me. But I was too afraid to show it.
My phone buzzed and the screen lit up. I took it from my bedside table and looked at it. “Harry : hey babe meet me at the park in an hour?” Guess I do have something to do today.
Walking up the side of the hill leading to the park, I saw his curly hair looking down at his phone screen. I walked up behind silently to make sure he didn’t hear me. Without a second thought I screamed his name at the top of my lungs and he jumped up and looked like he just had a mini heart attack. I started laughing uncontrollably when he saw me and he just pulled me in and gave me a weak kiss on the lips. I had never gotten a kiss like that. Something was wrong.
Worried I asked him what was wrong. He simply replied “Nothing, come sit down on the bench with me.”
I sat down on the bench and so did he as he looked down on the ground. In a low voice he simply said, “Am I a bad boyfriend?” Looking up, he stared directly at me. He was serious
It took me a second to reply. He has never asked something like this before. “Of course you are, why would you ask something like that?” I tried to be as sincere as possible but I already knew.
“(y/n), I feel like I have devoted myself to you but you seem to not be as devoted and I just assumed it was my fault. I don’t want you to lie to me because I know when you are lying and I think that you just said that to make me feel better.” He turned his head back to the ground. “I think we need to break up.”
I knew it was too good to be true.
As Harry lifted his head back up to see me, I could only simply nod my head. I did not have tears, but only more proof that true love doesn’t exist. I knew I had to say something and the only thing I could think of was, “If that is what you really want.”
Harry got up and said goodbye as I watched him walk off into the distance. Now that he is gone I finally realize that I loved him. Harry was my first true love and that I cannot picture myself with anyone else. It was too late now. He was gone and I realized that up until I had sworn to myself that I am content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk.
I miss home. Badly. Being on tour with the boys—the best friends I could ever ask for—is fun, but I miss home. I wanna go home. See my family, my friends, my girl. [Y/N]’s sad face haunts me these days whenever I close my eyes. She’s all I see. In everything I do, I see her. The lyrics, the songs, the fans, the cities. I had a peppermint yesterday and it reminded me of [Y/N]. I don’t even know why, but it did.
I miss my sister, my mother. I miss everything. Everything. The way the trees look, the way the streets curve. Everything about Cheshire, I miss. Even the rainy days, I miss them. I never thought I would, but I do. It’s like having everything handed to you, but still wanting more. It’s not the big things I want, or the fancy things. The invites to red carpets or the girls calling my name. It’s none of that.
I want home.
- - -
I woke up this morning with an ache. I rolled over in the tour bus bunk, but it didn’t go away. It stayed. And I knew what it was too. I was missing home too much. I understood that this was part of my job, but it didn’t make the pain go away. Rolling over, I faced the curtain they gave a little privacy to the small bunk and hugged my pillow, willing the pain to go away.
So far, I’ve been able to come off as the Cheeky Chap from Cheshire every knows. To put on a façade. But I’m slowly dying inside. I don’t know how long I can last. Sometime soon, I know Louis will catch on. He’s my best friend; he knows me like the back of his hand. It’s only a matter of time before he notices that something’s not right. Just a matter of time before I crack.
- - -
I tried to write [Y/N] a letter today, but I couldn’t. Everything I seemed to write seemed stale. Dried up. Cold and flail. It was sunny today, but I’m starting to get sick of that, too. We’re so close to the end of the American leg of the tour, but all I can think about is home. I’ve almost messed up several solos because of it. The lads blamed it on nerves, but I knew better. Home is all I ever think about. It’s invaded my thoughts, even my subconscious. I dreamt I was back in Grade 3. My mother’s laugh. I dreamt about when I bumped into [Y/N] randomly on the streets one night after a late night walk without the paparazzi…
Those simple things seem so far away.
- - -
I woke up reenergized. It’s the last stretch of the tour, seven more stops. Then we’re done. Yeah, it’ll be bittersweet. But I don’t see it as seven more days until tour ends. I see it as seven more days until home.
I guess you don’t realize at first how bad it’s going to be. Yes, I’ve gone on tours away from home before. Yes, I’ve always though that each one would be different. Everytime the same thing happens. I don’t think it’ll be that bad; everyone calls and writes, skypes, texts. Then I get caught up in the excitement of tour. Then, the sadness hits. And it never really goes away.
- - -
Last night was the last night of the tour. After I realized it wouldn’t be long until I saw everything I loved again, I was like a different person. I became the Cheeky Chap again, the real one. My smiled reached my eyes in all the pictures. I was finally, truly happy.
And as I stepped off the plane in Heathrow today, and saw everyone I love waiting for me, I knew I was finally where I belonged.
And of course my wifi isn’t working.
Guys go check out this fan fiction!!! (:
Of course! (: I’ll put it on the request list and hopefully have it up soon!
I am actually!!! (:
It goes in order from the request that have been made a while ago to more recent. (:
Small Bump by Ed Sheeran (Harry)
Fly With Me by The Jonas Brothers (Harry)
Hallelujah by Paramore
I’ll Be Your Man by Mcfly (Niall)
I Need A Woman by Mcfly (Liam)
Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script (Harry)
Somewhere Love Remains (Niall and Kennedy, on valentines day )